By guest author Cindy Puhek

What picture comes to mind when I say “stage mother?” Most of us think of a parent of a talented child who is excelling in some activity like theater, music, or sports. This parent has crossed the line from being supportive to being overly invested in unhealthy ways. This Mom is always advocating for opportunities for her child, she is easily angered at real or perceived injustice towards her child, and is jealous of another child’s opportunities, talents, or successes. This mom is often described as toxically living vicariously through her children.

The definition of vicarious is “experienced through the feelings or actions of another person.” Living vicariously through my children and becoming a pushy, destructive Mom as a result is a very real temptation. As parents, the glory and praise for our children’s accomplishments are reflected onto us. People congratulate us. They ask us for advice. In some ways, parents of successful children become famous and that can feel really good. We can feel important and significant because we have a successful child.

As homeschooling parents, the reflected glory from our children’s accomplishments is even greater because our investment in our children is so high. And the temptation to begin living vicariously through our children and find our worth and defining success through our children’s accomplishments is equally stronger. It is easy for us to begin pressuring our children to continue to succeed because it makes us look successful too. Our children are very perceptive. They feel the subtle pressure to succeed, and this can be very destructive to our relationships with our children.

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By Julianna Duerksen

One of the biggest obstacles to homeschooling is the predicament of finances. How in the world can a family cut their income in half so mom can stay home full time to teach the kids? Especially in Colorado, with the insane housing market, a potential recession under way, and skyrocketing prices, I get it. 

The choice to homeschool isn’t just for the wealthy. But it does require sacrifices.

When my husband and I were dating, one thing we discussed was what our roles would look like when it was time to start a family. We decided early on that, no matter how difficult, we would prioritize my being able to stay at home with our children. Now, as a mom, I’m incredibly grateful for a husband who’s willing to work long hours at a not-so-fun job so that I can stay home. 

But the decision also requires a willingness on my end to live a different type of lifestyle. For us, that means right now renting a basement apartment to save money while many other young couples around us are purchasing their first home. It means driving adequate but not fancy cars so that we can avoid debt. It means using hand-me-downs instead of the latest name brands. 

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