by Shari McMinn

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you (I Thessalonians 5:16-19 ESV).

When my children were young, the Thanksgiving to New Year’s holiday seasons were filled with anticipation of good food and good gifts, but also the dread of excessively poor behavior brought on by the special needs of some of my children, the five youngest of whom suffered from pre-adoption childhood trauma. Although we loved all the excitement, Christmas pageants, holiday decorations, and fun times enjoying winter activities, we realized that along with the good came the bad, and occasionally the really ugly meltdowns.

Our relatives did not understand why we did not want to get together with them to celebrate traditional Thanksgiving and Christmas feasts. They struggled to understand our avoidance of sugary sweets and gift overload. Despite our sharing with them about our children’s struggles in large crowds and events with high expectations for “good” behavior, they thought us snobbish and rude. Oh well, what could we do?

When you are raising children with sensory issues, childhood trauma, physical or mental delays, or on the autism spectrum, the holidays can be challenging, no matter how much you try to make them wonderful for yourself and your family members and close friends. And then there are the well-meaning people at church who are convinced your kids would be great in the Christmas program because they would add diversity to the wise men, the shepherds, and the angel choir and animal costumes. The stress to do everything and be everywhere all at once not only overwhelms our kids, but also us parents!

Here are some suggestions that seem to have worked for us over the years:

• Compliment your child seven times for one correction. 
• Dress casually for comfort, but in holiday wardrobe, special colors, or designs.
• Eat nutritious meals, limiting sugary snacks and processed food with dyes.
• Enjoy driving around town as a family to admire holiday lights.
• Focus on thankfulness at Thanksgiving, Christ at Christmas, and renewed joy for the New Year.
• Give only a few meaningful gifts within your budget to your children and spouse.
• Help your kids hand-make or shop for gifts to give to families needier than yours.
• Invite only a few guests to your home for holiday meals so your children remain at your home.
• Limit special activities to one per week.
• Make simple holiday cards with treats to hand-deliver to your neighbors or lonely senior citizens.
• Provide your child comfort with safe, physical touch each day, especially on special event days.
• Put up “less than perfect” holiday decorations together to make memories.
• Read stories aloud about simple holiday traditions from simpler times in history.
• Remain patient in public and calmly correct your child only in private.
• Stay on a regular daily schedule.
• Try to laugh (instead of yelling) in the face of adversity or when things fall apart.
• Watch meaningful holiday movies together.

Holidays should be about acknowledging the blessings of God, not impressing others. Sometimes, we have to give up our high expectations to simply love our family members who are right in front of us. I hope you will enjoy God’s good gifts to your family this holiday season, including His abundant mercy, generous love, and the never-ending forgiveness we can show our spouse and children.

Do not forget to check out the relaunched SPEDHomeschool.com for many articles and podcast recordings that will help you navigate specific struggles you have homeschooling your unique learner.

CHEC kicks off the New Year with our Homeschool Introductory Seminar and High School & Beyond Seminar, held simultaneously on January 4, 2025. Be sure to register now and invite a friend to join you!

My next Unique Learner blog, “Remembering Christ as the Reason for the Season and Your Family’s Salvation,” will be posted on December 11, 2024 (the 2nd Wednesday).

Shari McMinn, your trusted homeschooling friend   

P.S. If you have a topic I should write about, please email me with your suggestion(s). This blog is for you!

About the Author: Shari McMinn

Shari Howard McMinn has graduated from homeschool teaching and is a professional editor, public speaker, and writer. After living in Colorado for 45 years, she continues to work remotely for Christian Home Educators of Colorado (CHEC) from her new home in the Fort Myers, Florida area. Shari is the author of five books, which are detailed on her website, ShariMcMinn.com. She is an advocate for adoption, homeschooling, safe and stable families, and unique learners. A few years ago, she entered a very fun new season of life: grandparenting! She is available to answer your questions via email, Shari@CHEC.org.

May this season of gratitude remind you that even the smallest acts of service carry eternal significance. Thank you for the love, grace, and faithfulness you pour into your family each day! Enjoy this printable table centerpiece as our token of gratitude for all you do!

Happy Thanksgiving!

P.S. Did you miss the adorable printable table place cards for your Thanksgiving dinner guests? Don’t worry — grab them now and make your table extra special!