by Yvonne Strachan

Hey, fellow moms! Do you often find yourself grappling with feelings of guilt? You are not alone! According to a survey by BMC Psychology, most moms experience guilt in relation to their families, especially their children, and the responsibility for others’ wellbeing.1 We moms have an innate nurturing quality and an unwavering determination to meet our children’s needs. However, despite our best efforts, we often find ourselves confronted with reminders of our imperfections, resulting in an accumulation of guilt.

It seems like there is an endless supply of articles trying to help us deal with this guilt, but they all echo the same advice: “Stop feeling guilty!” If it is that easy, why do we still find it so hard to shake off feelings of guilt?

Embark on this journey with me to explore the root of our guilty feelings and discover how the transformative wisdom of God’s Word can help you find peace.

Why do we feel guilty?

Many of us have bought into the idea that our influence is the key to our children’s happiness, health, and success. Consequently, we hold ourselves responsible for how our children turn out.

Additionally, we rely on various human-created indicators to determine whether we are succeeding or failing in our parenting roles. With society’s ever-changing moral landscape, we feel like we are constantly teetering between triumph and defeat.

When should we be thankful for guilt?

When our guilt shines a light on our sins, it can serve as a powerful force for change. Instead of letting this type of guilt bring you down, be grateful for the signal to:

• Seek God’s forgiveness
• Embrace Jesus’ cleansing sacrifice
• Ask for wisdom and strength to do better next time
• Release your guilt

As you work through the steps to resolve this type of guilt, you will experience meaningful personal growth, feel relief, and positively impact the lives of those around you. Your children will witness the power of faith in action as they see you navigate through this process. It is a testament to the amazing work God can do! 

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death (2 Corinthians 7:10).

What guilt-driven actions should we avoid?

When we reflect on a situation where a mistake or an incident may have hurt our children, our guilt can overwhelm us. We often feel compelled to find a way to repair it on our own, and so we come up with all kinds of faulty solutions:

• Compensating for our mistakes through gifts or fun experiences
• Making decisions based on our children’s happiness
• Making decisions based on our own emotions
• Seeking others’ advice and approval
• Blaming someone else
• Becoming paralyzed by guilt

Do you rely on others to fulfill your desire to alleviate your guilt rather than seek God’s wisdom? No matter how good someone else’s advice sounds, always verify it with God’s word. True wisdom never contradicts the Bible!

For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written, “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and the discernment of the discerning I will thwart.” Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? (1 Corinthians 1:18-20 ESV)

How can we reconcile guilt?

We often feel like we are fulfilling our call to serve God as we pour our time and energy into our children. However, we must look deeper inside ourselves to get an honest look at our motivations. Are you dedicated to raising and educating your children to achieve a worldly outcome, or are you more committed to honoring God each day through your faith throughout the process?

Let go of guilt for things that are beyond your control, whether it be loss, illness, physical constraints, past trauma, or a situation you only found out about later. Remember, God already knew your strengths, your weaknesses, and the hardships you would face when He brought your family together. Trust that God knows how each of these situations will influence your children’s lives.

Despite our best efforts to instill godly values in our children as we raise and educate them at home, we must realize that it is impossible to do everything perfectly. It is also important to recognize the limitations of human influence and place your trust in God to work mightily in your children’s lives. If you ever have an adult child who rejects God and instead relies on her own knowledge and inner strength, you might feel heartbroken and wonder what you could have done differently. However, holding onto this type of guilt would imply that you have the power to control the outcome. Remember that your child’s adverse actions stem from her rejecting Jesus. Pray for God to reveal Jesus to her in a way that sparks an irresistible longing to draw close to Him and embrace His life-changing power from within. Keep praying, and never lose hope!

Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God (2 Corinthians 3:5 ESV).

It is time to release the metaphorical pen we use to write the story of our children’s lives and allow God’s divine plans and purpose to take precedence.

In Conclusion

We cannot simply command ourselves to “stop feeling guilty!” When we shift away from a human perspective of being fully responsible for our children and become fully accountable for our faithfulness to God, we can truly let go of our guilt as moms.

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God (Romans 5:1-2 ESV).

God entrusted you to lovingly tend to His children as they grow. But do you completely trust Him to lovingly tend to the children He has blessed you with? You will find peace as you surrender to God’s mighty plans for your child, your family — and you! 

Your grateful homeschooling friend,

Yvonne Strachan

Is mom guilt weighing you down? Drop your questions in the comments! We are here to support you and help you find a solution!

About the Author: Yvonne Strachan

Yvonne Strachan has had the privilege of being refined through homeschooling multiple children, a special needs child, and high school students while dealing with chronic illness and working. She taught art classes at a Christian school and at a homeschool art co-op that she ran for a decade. She went on to serve the homeschool community as a homeschool consultant, a radio show host, a blogger, a speaker, the author of Inspirational Homeschooling, and the founder of Inspirational Homeschooling.com. She works in the CHEC marketing department and can be reached at Yvonne@CHEC.org.

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