by Shari McMinn

Happy Thanksgiving! This month, I would like to offer strategies for helping your unique learner who will — in all likelihood — become an adult who is dependent on you as their parent(s) or others for living, working, and supporting him or herself during their adulthood. Hopefully, if long-term disability affects one or more of your children, this will inform you of things to plan for in the coming years for a future dependent adult. 

Society often disregards this sector of the adult population as unimportant for the greater good. Yet we, their parents and family members, have sacrificed much to raise them and want to continue showing our love through compassionate care for them as Jesus would because they are created in the image of Almighty God. Beginning now to establish a supportive extended family and church community would be wise.

“And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me’” (Matthew 25:40 ESV).

When our children reach adulthood, our role in their lives changes. We are to continue loving them, praying for them, encouraging their faith, and keeping in communication with them, but we need to be treating them as adults. This involves respecting their choices, which may be different than what we would choose to make when faced with the same situation. When they are dependent adults due to a variety of delays, steering your family’s ship through the muddy waters of a complicated world can be challenging.

Caring for the “least of these” adult children is a lifelong journey. You are to be commended for loving your child well as you see to his or her best interests now, later, and after your own life journey takes you home to Heaven. Seeking the Lord for His wisdom and provision through regularly attending a caring church, prayer, and Bible study assures a solid foundation for your family to continue life in His hands.

Skills Development for Special Needs Teens or Young Adults

The following skills development should probably continue at the student’s ability from parents or paid providers into their adulthood, as needed:

• Educational skills – reading, writing, basic arithmetic 
• Living skills – cleaning, cooking, dressing, exercise, hygiene, personal- (biking, walking) or public-transportation use (if your son or daughter is not capable of driving a car)
• Social skills – etiquette, stranger-danger boundaries, verbal (or ASL) and written communication 
• Work skills – customer service, following directions, payment, punctuality, task completion

Needs for Special Children Who Are Likely to Remain Dependent in Adulthood

If our adult children cannot function on their own — independent of us — due to severe cognitive delays, ongoing mental health issues, or physical disabilities, then our role becomes their dependent caregiver or lifelong guardian until we are no longer able to do so. Entering and navigating this new season is complex and often fraught with worry about the unknown. We, as parents, want to offer help, but might offer them too much or not enough. We want to encourage their independence, but that is not always possible. We hope they might be able to form their own family through marriage and childbirth, yet that might not occur. Such uncertainties mean we need to be prepared to answer questions such as: 

• Before he or she turns 18, is a medical power of attorney, guardianship, or other legal documentation necessary for their long-term care and related living situation decisions?
• Is your son or daughter, who will be dependent as an adult, currently able to join in the planning and decision-making regarding their future, at least to some degree?
• What about financial provision for medical care and legal expenses, now and long-term? 
• What type of living situation would be best for your adult child, now and down the road?
• Who, after you, will be able to provide long-term care for your dependent son or daughter?
• Who will discuss the upcoming situations and decisions with him or her, and when?
• Will further education or job skill training be needed after high school homeschooling ends?
• Will he or she be able to work at least a part-time job to help pay for his or her living expenses?
• With whom will your adult son or daughter live in the years to come, including after your death?

Professionals Who Can Help Families with Dependent Adult Children

Service professionals will likely need to be involved in this type of planning and decision-making. Consider having these providers contacted, met with, and onboarded in the coming year or two. These Christian professionals would possibly include insurance agents, lawyers, medical providers, tax accountants, along with church pastors and elders. If you do not currently have such professionals in place for the guidance and documentation you will need to care for your dependent child as he or she ages into adulthood, start asking trusted family and friends in your church and community for their suggestions as to who are experienced Christian professionals in those previously mentioned fields.

Planning for Your Dependent Adult Child’s Future 

It is important to consider your long-term game plan for your dependent child’s future living situation. Whether you need to determine safe and nurturing housing, part-time work, or full-time care, now is the time to work toward a positive, stable life plan. The Bible teaches us that there are three jurisdictions in our lives: the family, the church, and the magistrate (government). Just as with (home) education, caring for dependent adult children falls within the jurisdiction of the family. When a family is rooted in a strong church community, they have the discipleship, fellowship, and prayer support that will better help them walk through difficult situations. It would be wise to speak now with your church pastor and elders regarding the needs of your child’s potentially dependent adulthood, knowing you will age and your physical ability to provide care for him or her will be diminished in the coming years.

If your family does not currently attend a biblically grounded church that genuinely cares for ‘the least of these,’ finding one that does, where your family can become members and regular attendees, is now your number-one job! Connecting with other families in such a setting is job number two. With both godly shepherd leadership and a Christian congregation community in place, you can then formulate a supportive network for your dependent child to live stably in adulthood. This is the purpose of the family — to care for all generations of its members. This is the best plan for caring, loving, and supporting your dependent adult child.

Discussing Long-Term Care Plans for Your Dependent Adult Child with Family Members

The Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays often bring together extended family members who live far apart the rest of the year. Perhaps this season is a good time to observe, reflect, and speak with your closest adult family members about the future needs of your child, who is likely to need part-time or full-time family care to navigate his or her adulthood. These conversations should happen one-on-one so they can be heartfelt and productive. When there are too many people involved in ‘delicate’ discussions, there may not be beneficial outcomes. There is probably no need to make major decisions this month or next, but planting seeds now — that can be watered and grown into deeper thoughts and future action plans — might be wise.

Regarding these types of discussions and decisions, I leave you with my humble cautionary advice:

• Do not put off planning for this season of life because it will come sooner than you think.
• Do not expect any particular family member to take on a larger role for the care of the dependent adult child than they are able to bear. 
• 1 Timothy 5:8 (ESV) states, But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Even though Christian family members are exhorted to care for one another, no one should be guilted into providing care. Parents should make provision for financial concerns as they are able, with a balanced burden on others for giving of their prayer support, professional guidance, time spent in relationship, and/or wisdom to the situation. It does not take a village, but it takes an extended family.

The important thing is to begin these conversations now; share your concerns and ideas; listen to what family members have to say; and agree to have future discussions to maintain ongoing communication. No one likes to be surprised by a burden they did not see coming, nor were unable to share their opinion on and help plan for. Above all, seek the Lord’s guidance as you make decisions for the future care of your dependent adult child.

In closing, the most important aspects of your adult dependent child’s future life are twofold:

1. His or her continuing Christian faith: Be sure to encourage Bible reading, hymn singing, and biblical preaching church service attendance; this can be accomplished in person, via tech platforms (e.g., FaceTime, livestream, or Zoom), or with assistive audio/visual devices. 
2. Your continued loving relationship with your son or daughter through in-person conversations and experiences, written correspondence via email or postal mail, or regular telecommunication.

More Help for Parenting Your Unique Learner

Here are a few resources that may be of interest to you regarding this topic and related issues:

• Download this PDF with fun tips from Learning Rx to increase attention in distracted students. 
• Investigate a membership for homeschool-family domestic legal guidance and protection with Heritage Defense.
• Learn more about homeschooling special needs children on this public access HSLDA web page. 
• Read this article on making decisions for a special needs child who becomes an adult. 
• Tune into this Empowering Ability podcast discussing support for siblings of disabled individuals. 

My next Unique Learner blog, “Anchored and Connected: Developing Empathy through Relationships in the New Year,” will be posted on December 24, 2025 (the 4th Wednesday).

Shari McMinn, your trusted homeschooling friend  

P.S. If you have a topic I should write about, please email me with your suggestion(s). This blog is for you!

About the Author: Shari McMinn

Shari Howard McMinn has graduated from homeschool teaching and is a professional editor, public speaker, and writer. After living in Colorado for 45 years, she continues to work remotely for Christian Home Educators of Colorado (CHEC) from her new home in the Fort Myers, Florida area. Shari is the author of five books, which are detailed on her website, ShariMcMinn.com. She is an advocate for adoption, homeschooling, safe and stable families, and unique learners. A few years ago, she entered a very fun new season of life: grandparenting! She is available to answer your questions via email, Shari@CHEC.org.