By Emily Werner
I was watching my son participate in “Safety Town,” a little community summer day camp for soon-to-be kindergarteners. I was partly there for my son, and partly because I so desperately needed to get out of the house! I had been in tears for days, not knowing what I was doing wrong.
Next to me sat a first-grade teacher, who was a mom of one of the other children. We began to chat, as moms do, and when she asked me about my son, I told her about how he was so intense and sensitive, overreacting to everything, and how hard it was to figure out what he needed. I had just thrown out another pair of pajamas that he refused to wear, and was worn out from trying to get him to eat and play like “normal” boys.
She encouraged me to read the book Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. She said it was about kids who are more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, and energetic than other children. So I obtained a copy, and as I began reading, I felt like a light went on. “This is my son!” Then I realized that it was also me.
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Sensitivity: Like Mother, Like Son
As a child, I felt everything more intensely and was often told I was “too sensitive” — or even worse, that I was “difficult” or “a pain.” My mom had to cut the tags out of my shirts, my fingers always felt like sandpaper, and my emotions were bigger and my feelings deeper than those of other kids. The same was true of my son. He would not wear short sleeves or shorts, complained often about how his skin felt, and had big emotional outbursts. One year, he even wore gloves all summer to avoid that sandpapery feeling on his hands!
I avoided questioning from friends and family and just let him be. The phase came and went quickly, and soon he was gloveless again. The Lord used that book and that teacher to help me see that the answer was not to try to change who my son was. It was through patience and understanding (and prayer!) that he began to overcome some of his sensory challenges. He had scored 18 out of 20 on the sensory processing spectrum and was highly sensory avoidant. I was determined to help myself know how to help him.
After preschool and a few tear-filled weeks of kindergarten, I withdrew my highly sensitive son from school in order to homeschool him. I bought another book, The Strong Sensitive Boy, by Ted Zeff, Ph.D. Just as that book said, my son was disturbed by loud noises and crowds, fearful of new situations, easily hurt by criticism, and hesitant about playing aggressive games with other boys. Through his book, Dr. Zeff taught me how to help my sensitive boy grow into a strong, happy, and confident man (he is now 21 years old and thriving!). I also read The Highly Sensitive Child and The Highly Sensitive Person, both by Elaine Aron, and began to not only understand my son, but also to understand myself, too, and to heal from the childhood trauma resulting from my highly sensitive nature.
Challenges of Sensory Processing for Sensitive Boys
It is particularly challenging for sensitive boys to grow up in a culture that teaches them to act tough, aggressive, and unemotional. The positive traits of my son’s sensitivity are his creativity, kindness, and gentleness. He has a unique ability to appreciate beauty and feel love deeply. He is intuitive and compassionate, often tearing up when someone else is sad.
Thankfully, because he was homeschooled, my son never felt “weird” for being sensitive like I did. In fact, my husband and I were able to affirm his sensitivity and help him to seek God about how He might want to use it. He is now on staff part-time at our church, volunteers in the youth ministry, and is seeking a ministry degree. These are all things that require his kind, sensitive spirit!
When I think of my son now, I am reminded of 1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV), which says, People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
Sensory Processing for a Sensory Seeking Child
Just as I began to feel like I had finally figured out my son (and myself), we welcomed a beautiful, almost-3-year-old girl into our family from Russia through adoption. In stark contrast to my son, my daughter was extremely sensory seeking! We did not know that at first, but I figured it out sooner than I did with my son because I had already learned all of the signs of a child with sensory processing issues.
I will never forget when we took the kids to a bouncy-house festival the spring after she came home to us. My son kept close by my side without engaging for the 30-minute warm-up he typically needed, but my daughter could not get enough, running wildly from one activity to another. Then she saw it: the bungee jumping trampoline! She begged me to try it, and I agreed that she could. As the trampoline operators lifted her up higher and higher and higher, to her delight, my son watched in amazement and exclaimed, “She makes me feel brave!”
The moment I knew my daughter was sensory-seeking, however, happened on an airport tram. We were traveling to see family and had a front seat on the ride to our terminal. She had a full view of the tracks ahead of us. When the tram started moving, she put both hands and her entire body against the glass and began to yell, “Faster, faster, faster!” to the amusement of the other passengers.
That girl still loves rollercoasters, rock climbing, and other adventures that satisfy her thrill-seeking spirit. I think it is this daring personality trait that led her to go on her youth group’s Ecuador missions trip this spring. Who knows how else the Lord will use her adventurous, sensory-seeking nature in her life someday!
I also quickly learned that as long as her hands were busy, my daughter could sit through anything. If I tried to make her “sit still” and “pay attention,” I always lost her interest, and she would start to misbehave. So I gave her string art, silly putty, slime, paint, clay, and anything that would meet her sensory-seeking needs while I taught my son. She would play under the table during read-alouds and retained most of what he was learning, even though she was years younger than he was. Truly, the Lord gently leads those that have young (Isaiah 40:11 NIV). I felt Him leading me through each step.
Finding Our Sweet Spot with Opposite Sensory Needs
I soon came to realize that both of my children benefited from role-play, and I found that using “My Father’s World” curriculum best met both of their needs. My son was able to be creative, and my daughter was allowed to run through the house while role-playing through history and cultures around the world, meeting both of their opposite sensory needs. We dressed up as medieval innkeepers, invited friends over for Roman feasts, and made dozens of recipes from around the world.
As challenging as those years were at times, they were also the best years of my life as a homeschool mom! My favorite verse became Philippians 4:6 (NIV): Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Every time I felt anxious about the unique challenges of raising kids on the sensory processing spectrum, I cried out to God, and He heard me!
When they were still little, I found the book Teaching From Rest by Sarah Mackenzie, and it entirely changed my approach to homeschooling. I realized that we could just have fun together. We did not need to sit at the table to learn. We did not need an intense and rigid schedule. Instead, we could have adventures, laugh, and run around the house, or be quiet and creative! I learned to keep a loose structure, knowing that some days would be harder than others.
God-Given Qualities in the Sensory Processing Spectrum
We had joy-filled days and some tear-filled ones, but those days turned into months, and those months into years, with no regrets. My children are now 21 and 16. I can see how letting them be who God made them to be — instead of trying to fit them into a box — made them both confident, secure, and happy young adults. I will always be grateful for that first-grade teacher the Lord led me to meet at Safety Town. What a difference it has made in our world!
My advice to anyone parenting a child on the sensory processing spectrum is to accept them where they are, think outside the box, seek out the available resources, pray, and trust the Lord with the outcome. You know your children better than anyone else, and you were hand-picked by God to be their parents. You can do this!
If you seek a like-minded homeschool community, please consider attending the “Unique Learner Meet-Up,” hosted by CHEC Outreach Director Kashia Davis. This will be held immediately following the Unique Learner Seminar on the RMHC FREE Bonus Day, June 11, 2025, at the Denver Marriott Tech Center. Please register online to let us know you plan to come!
Are you struggling to find what works for your child who is struggling with sensory processing issues? Have you experienced some breakthroughs that you can share with others? What books or resources have helped you the most? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
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