By Shari McMinn
May is recognized nationally as Foster Care Month. I want to personally thank all of you parents who have adopted children or provided foster care. We need more willing Christians like you to undertake this special work that God blesses with His grace, mercy, and unconditional love beyond all we can hope for or imagine.
In you the orphan finds mercy (Hosea 14:3).
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The Hard Road of Adoption and Foster Care
I have walked the often-lonely and arduous marathon of raising orphans, who became my five adopted children. There are naysayers in our culture who would deny that I am their “real” mother, and that they were not “orphans” because their biological parents were still alive (yet their first moms and dads had lost their parental custody rights due to abuse, neglect, incarceration, or other societal ills). I have very close relationships with a couple of my adopted children, yet I experience estranged relationships with a couple of others. One of my adopted children was murdered in her late teens, and that is a very difficult reality to live with.
How do we keep on homeschooling, parenting, and raising our children who have suffered great trauma, often with attachment issues, without giving up on this lifelong task God has led us to do?
First, let me say that God sees in our homes what others do not see. He sees our heart for the orphan, and He sees our effort to not only raise these special children, but to educate them in His ways. God has seen each of my children from their conception. Several of my adopted children would have been aborted if the world had been given its way. Thankfully, they are alive, and their lives are to be celebrated, just as the lives of my biological children are celebrated!
God had a plan for them as He knit each of them in the womb, and His purposes still stand! His purposes are for my good and my children’s good, and His purposes are for your good and your children’s good, too! Praise be to God that He is steadfast and cares for us as we trust in Him for everything. Our days may be long and challenge-filled, but we can rest in the loving palm of His hand.
Raising Former Orphans Can Be Hard, But Good
Second, I do not want to diminish the difficulties that can exist for parents who choose to provide foster care and adopt children, either domestically or from foreign nations. I want to honor you who are doing this hard yet eternally rewarding work by sharing some encouraging anecdotal outcomes from my own family’s experience.
One of my adult children often states how much he loves me and how thankful he is that we adopted him. Both verbally and in written letters from his military stations, he has acknowledged that instead of growing up on the streets without hope, he was blessed with a loving family life, educational opportunities, and strong Christian parenting that got him to the place in life where he is now thriving as a US Army combat soldier.
This son recently reported to me over the phone that he had to teach a history lesson to his platoon mates on World War II battles. He used his public speaking skills (practiced during 4H projects), scale-model drawings of formations (developed during our kitchen table art classes), and physical field activities (experienced during his wild outdoor farm sports) to engage all of “the guys” who had different learning styles. To my amazement, he is practicing and actively using what he learned in our humble homeschool as a student who suffered from severe trauma-based cognitive learning delays!
One of my grown adopted daughters often shares similar testimonies. She recognizes that she would likely have been trafficked if social services had not intervened to protect her, ultimately placing her for adoption into our family. This daughter has a song she particularly likes and plays when we are in the car together: “The Little Girl,” sung by John Michael Montgomery.
Possibly based on true events, that song tells the story of an atheist couple who had a daughter. The couple never told her anything about the Lord. One night, when the little girl was five years old, the parents fought with each other, and the dad shot the mom, right in front of the child. Then the dad shot himself. The little girl watched it all. She was then sent to a foster home. The foster mother was a Christian and took the child to church. On the first day of Sunday School, the foster mother told the teacher that the girl had never heard of Jesus and asked the teacher to have patience with her. The teacher held up a picture of Jesus and said, “Does anyone know who this is?” The little girl said, “I do. That’s the man who was holding me the night my parents died.”1 Yes, I cry every time I hear that song!
Academic Challenges for Traumatized Children
Third, let me acknowledge the fact that children from foster care or who are adopted have struggles that we who grew up in functional homes — especially within Christian families — will never understand. Their pain can be so deep that they do not even know how to describe it. Because abuse and neglect prevent the frontal cortex of one’s brain from properly developing in its “executive functioning” ability, our kids have learning difficulties that healthy biological children do not experience.
Homeschooling foster and adopted children is a blessing for them, but it is challenging for us as their teachers. We have to observe and problem-solve their mysterious learning issues that we confront daily. Their educational, emotional, physical, and spiritual needs can be met in the safety of their new home by a loving family if we equip ourselves to meet those needs and also seek professional advice when necessary.
Fourth, I think we all can admit that it is hard to remain patient and kind when our adopted and foster children’s behavior spirals out of control. But Christian parents who love their children and can point them to Jesus every time they sin or melt down are what they need, more than anything else! And Jesus models for us the attentive, loving, peaceful care they need. He forgives us when we sin in our own anger as we try to contain theirs. Jesus is the answer for our foster and adopted children’s needs, just as He is the answer for our own!
Helps for Homeschool Parents of Adopted and Foster Children
A 1,400-word blog cannot offer solutions to all the problems you are facing with your foster or adopted children, but I want to reassure you today that I am on this journey with you, and you are not alone! I want to direct you to a few resources from which you might be able to receive further encouragement, instruction, and support. I suggest that you investigate these:
- Register for and attend the Rocky Mountain Homeschool Conference.
- Only have one afternoon for the Rocky Mountain Homeschool Conference? Plan to attend the Unique Learner Seminar on the FREE Bonus Day, Wednesday, June 11, 2025, 12:30-4:30pm.
- Visit the websites of unique learner providers who are also Conference exhibitors, like Bridging the Gaps Dyslexia Center, Learner Success LLC, LearningRx, The Multisensory Reading Center, The Nectar Group, and Patterns of Hope.
- Come to the Exhibitor Services booth at the Rocky Mountain Homeschool Conference and introduce yourself to me. I would love to get acquainted and give you a copy of my book that I wrote on adoption.
- Learn about attachment and its importance for families on this Empowered to Connect podcast.
- Read this inspiring HSLDA blog about a grandmother homeschooling her traumatized grandson.
- Tune in to this Godtube podcast on homeschooling neurodivergent students.
- Contact me by email or phone at 720.235.2748 for personal conversation and practical guidance.
God Sees You and CHEC Does, Too!
Our team at Christian Home Educators of Colorado cares deeply about families like yours. We want to provide you with the encouragement and equipping that you need to succeed in your homeschooling journey. This blog is just one of many resources found on our CHEC.org Unique Learners webpage.
Remember, God sees you! He sees your child. He is only a prayer away; and His Word, found in the Holy Bible, is powerful! I challenge you to read your Bible daily during your own “quiet time,” as well as with your family for a regularly scheduled devotional time, discussing what you have read. This is possibly the most important teaching you can provide during home-based education with your foster or adopted child.
My next Unique Learner blog, “Defining and Overcoming Dyscalculia, Dysgraphia, and Dyslexia,” will be posted on June 26, 2025 (the 4th Wednesday).
Shari McMinn, your trusted homeschooling friend
If you seek a like-minded homeschool community, please consider attending the “Unique Learner Meet-Up,” hosted by CHEC Outreach Director Kashia Davis. This will be held immediately following the Unique Learner Seminar on the RMHC FREE Bonus Day, June 11, 2025, at the Denver Marriott Tech Center. Please register online to let us know you plan to come!
P.S. If you have a topic I should write about, please email me with your suggestion(s). This blog is for you! We’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
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