by Shari McMinn
This month, my youngest eaglet — a unique learner — successfully flew out of our family’s nest! She entered the U.S. Army Basic Training after three months at their Future Soldier 09 Mike program. That pre-bootcamp opportunity got her in better physical shape, emotionally accustomed her to being yelled at constantly, and provided her with tutorial study in hopes of boosting her mathematics ASVAB score. Mind you, at 4-foot, 8-inches tall, weighing 100 pounds dripping wet, she hardly seems a likely candidate for her contracted military occupational specialty (MOS) of 13U Field Artillery Recruit! Her older brothers and I have encouraged her, if possible, to focus on potentially less physically demanding and damaging skills — such as drone technology — during her later Advanced Individual Training (AIT).
Her problem-solving skills and desire to serve our country helped her find favor with the 09 Mike drill sergeants and commanding officers, who appreciated her diligence, leadership, perseverance, team-building skills, and work ethic. She had developed those foundational character traits as the youngest of nine siblings living on our remote farm, where she was home-educated from preschool through 12th grade. As God directs her life forward, the character qualities she has learned and tested through our homeschool lifestyle will likely aid her in becoming successful in the military and in life. Like all of us, hopefully, Lord willing, she will continue to grow in her faith, developing an abundance of Christian character that will help her overcome the sins and woes of this world. My support role for her now is to continue wisely advising, gently guiding, consistently praying for and with her, and sharing Scripture in my letters and messages to her.
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. (Romans 5:3-5 ESV)
That particular daughter of mine had suffered greatly before—when she was born prematurely, later in foster care, then as she joined our family through adoption at age 2. Due to profound neglect and genetic issues, she was concerningly tiny and cognitively delayed throughout her early childhood and homeschool years. To add to and complicate her post-traumatic stress, at age 8, her beloved adoptive father died suddenly. Further, at age 15, she chose to testify in court at the sentencing hearing of her beloved sister’s murderer.
As she stood on a step stool at the witness podium — in youth-size two high heels and business suit attire with her long hair swept up into a bun — she gave her well-practiced, five-minute statement. She did not hold back with the truth of the situation’s levity, delivering a powerful testimony to the convicted perpetrator, saying that he “took my hero out of this world” and needed to get right with God, who would immediately forgive him if he did. She shared that her own forgiveness of his heinous crime would take more time — perhaps her whole lifetime. The courtroom was reverently silent for what seemed an eternity after she concluded her statement, before I then had to deliver mine. Thankfully, the judge heard her plea for justice and imposed the maximum sentence allowed by law.
Unique learner struggles build character
Like so many people these days, my daughter could have remained stuck in a ‘victim mentality’ for all the tragedies she suffered, none of them her own doing. Instead, by God’s grace, she was able to survive and rise strong against all odds.
She had then — and maintains now — a dynamic, mighty personality inside of her diminutive frame. She understands God created her in His image, for His purpose, and seeks to live for Him every day of her life ahead. Praise God that she came to trust in Christ and developed a Christian character in our homeschool on our old, run-down, in the middle of nowhere Colorado farm!
You and I are raising unique learners who struggle with appropriate behavior, schoolwork, social skills, and maybe even their physical ability, health, and stature. Yet — as the Scripture above states — their suffering in these challenges can produce endurance for the race of their lives. When they keep running their seemingly endless marathon without quitting, it produces character. When they develop character, they have hope for a bright future they can be proud of. They can live, unashamed of the Gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes (Romans 1:16 ESV).
Good character, like any habit, is cultivated by daily practice. In our family, we believed these traits were important to work on, starting when our children were preschoolers. Your own family’s list may be similar or different:
- Confidence, Courage, Diligence, Efficiency, Grit, Honor, Honesty
- Integrity, Leadership, Motivation, Obedience, Patience, Persistence
- Problem-solving, Purpose, Resilience, Respect, Responsibility
- Self-governance, Sobriety, Stamina, Tenacity, Truthfulness, Workmanship
Good character is built by small steps each day. Here are a few ways in our home — maybe yours, too — that can provide unique learners with opportunities to begin thriving despite their suffering:
- Academic: practicing English and math skills daily, along with listening to or reading quality books
- Chores: caring for outdoor animals and lawn; cleaning indoor kitchen and bath
- Church: eager volunteering, joyful participating, with regular attendance
- Hobby craft: working with hands during indoor and outdoor project making
- Neighbors: reaching out to the elderly, infirm, or needy
- Parents: responding cheerfully, obediently, when first corrected, instructed, or requested
- Personal regime: studying the Bible, tending to hygiene, organizing room, and completing school work
- Siblings: caring, communicating, getting along, sharing, and working together
No matter how fragile, highly gifted, delayed, or traumatized your unique learner is, I highly encourage you to help your student work on forming good character day in and day out. Christ-like character is more important to attain than academic achievement, the number of books read, or high test scores, because it is the outworking of our Christian faith in daily life as the Holy Spirit enables each of us. Christ followers — more than any other people group — should practice and live out good character.
I imagine Joseph’s wife, Mary, talking to her other children as she gently corrected them for their sins to help them attain good character, saying kindly, “Why can’t you children be more like Jesus?” Oh, how exasperated those brothers and sisters must have felt to be compared to a perfect standard they could never measure up to! Still, we can and should try to be more like Jesus each day and help our children become the same.
No matter how hard we try, we can not control every aspect of the circumstances of our lives and the lives of our children. We can, however, through our relationship with God, learn to find meaning in our suffering. We can also learn to control our responses to circumstances. And we can teach our children to do likewise by pointing them to God. He created them in His image; sent His begotten Son to die for us so that we may live forgiven; and provides us with the Holy Spirit to fill each of us with the ability to thrive. In modeling that for and teaching it to our uniquely made students, we are giving them the key to a successful life despite their suffering.
More help for homeschooling your unique learner
I read numerous articles and listen to a variety of interviews to inform my knowledge of homeschooling and parenting unique learners, as I come alongside families in my work for CHEC. Here are some links to check out that are from my recent research:
- Check out this character program for younger students from the 2025 RMHC Exhibitor and Children’s Activity provider Character Club.
- Consider this interactive character-building worktext for older students who are in middle school (this resource can be adapted for a unit study for the whole family of multiple abilities and ages) by 2025 RMHC exhibitor and speaker, Teri Friesen: Chasing Adulthood.
- Find other helpful resources on our CHEC.org Unique Learners webpage.
- Gain confidence in your parenting abilities from a well-known, highly respected Christian speaker I greatly admire, Dr. Kathy Koch of the Celebrate Kids Podcast, ”From Behavior to Character: A New Approach to Parenting”.
- Listen to wisdom on homeschooling delayed or gifted students in this interview I recorded for the CHEC Podcast “Unpacking Unique Learners: Homeschool Tips That Work”.
- Read more articles like this on the CHEC.org blog
- Save the date: “Homeschooling the Heart Online Summit” to be held October 20-24, 2025.
My next Unique Learner blog, “Overcoming Low/No Motivation: Interest-based Learning for Unique Learners,” will be posted on October 22, 2025 (the 4th Wednesday).
Shari McMinn, your trusted homeschooling friend
P.S. If you have a topic I should write about, please email me with your suggestion(s). This blog is for you!
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