Christian Home Educators of Colorado wishes you a Merry Christmas! 

This blog is dedicated to those of you who may be feeling lonely, weary, or teary-eyed this Christmas season. We understand that the holidays can be difficult, especially when life feels heavy or when we’re grieving. Please know that you are not forgotten — you are seen, loved, and cherished. Whether you’re walking through a season of loss or carrying burdens that make this time harder, we pray that the peace and love of Christ will surround you this Christmas and bring comfort and hope to your heart.

Christmas in the Dark

By Julie Neils

I sat in the dark weeping next to the Christmas tree. My cries were weighted by the utter pain of living without our son, a sweet chestnut-haired boy who had died in my womb from an unexpected cord accident. His absence filled every single tear. Like the dark, the presence of grief surrounded me. Loneliness and despair closed in as well.  Yet, the outside world seemed to go on with insulting regularity and ease. Like looking at a snow globe, I seemed to be separated by glass from all of my friends and their lives, too. The merriment and decorations of Christmas only made it worse.

Christmas can be so hard for so many. Maybe you can relate. Maybe this year has brought you to a broken-beyond-words place through the loss of someone you love, a relationship, or something else that has marked your life into a before-and-after so profound that even God seems out of reach right now. If this is you, know that He is there. His very name is our promise.

Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us (Matthew 1:23 KJV).

Not only does Christmas mean that God is with us in our horrendously broken world, it means that He is especially close to the horrendously broken, as Psalm 34:18 assures us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those whose spirits are crushed.”

Grief seems to bring insurmountable pressure. To smile when a dam is waiting to burst. To shine up the cracked and broken for display. To say we are ok when we are not.  But God does not ask that of us. I love that about Him.  

God sees your broken heart.

He holds every piece to His own.

God is with us. Even in this.

As I sat there in the night, I reached out for hope of any kind. I began to play some of my favorite Christmas hymns. O Holy Night is one of my favorites, and this line comforted me: “Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother, And in His name all oppression shall cease.”

What an incredible love — that Jesus would come in the flesh to die for us. To break the chains of our bondage, to lift us from crushing oppression, and ultimately, rescue us from the power of death. The sweet presence of the Lord filled the night. It was still, but it was there. I was in agony, but I was at peace because God was with me.

A.W. Tozer said, “God is here when we are wholly unaware of it. He is manifest only when and as we are aware of His presence. On our part, there must be a surrender to the Spirit of God for His work. It is to show us the Father and the Son. If we cooperate with Him in loving obedience, God will manifest Himself to us. That manifestation will be the difference between a nominal Christian life and a life radiant with the light of His face.”

This Christmas, may the Lord reveal Himself to you as Light even in the darkness. May you cling to His Word, though all has been shaken. May you experience a new awareness of His love and care when the pain threatens to overtake you. May you sense the sweetness of His presence even in the bitterness of grief. He is with you.

About the Author: Julie Neils

Julie Neils is a homeschooling mother of eight children, six here on earth and two who are with the Lord. A media consultant for more than twenty years, she teaches speech and debate and reads as much as she can, particularly World War II biographies.